If I am Missing or Dead by Janine Latus

If I am Missing or Dead by Janine Latus

This memoir follows Janine through her childhood with a father who seemed to see every female in terms of their sexual looks. This seems to stick with Janine and follows into her adult relationships. Her relationship with Kurt is very unhealthy, but it appears that Janine did not see it this way and blamed herself for an awful lot of the problems she suffered with Kurt. At the same time her Sister Amy was living with an alcoholic abusive husband and Janine very quickly could see how bad this was and that her sister should not tolerate this. Amy eventually sees the light and leaves this relationship, but alas she fall under the spell of another man, Ron who it seems is capable of far worse than her former husband.

This book makes me question why is it that we can always see the mistakes other people make in their relationships and yet can so often be blind to our own? It saddened me reading this book that intelligent people could find themselves in these emotionally tormenting troubles. It also makes me question if putting two incompatible people together with drastically differing personalities could actually spark domestic abuse but actually, if people met their soul mate who had clear boundaries would violence or abuse ever erupt? I appreciate there are abusers out there who would probably attack anyone they are in a relationship with, but are there others who, not understanding the other person and not knowing how to begin to understand them, find themselves in situations they would have never foreseen? Please don’t take me as saying that it’s an excuse for abuse as I’m just trying to understand; I don’t condone abuse, physical or emotional, and always believe there is a better way.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this book and thought it was very well written, although the content was obviously sad.

I do agree with other reviewer’s that it did suggest it would be more about the sister, than Janine, but I believe writing it this way gave a clear message of how childhood influences our adulthood.

loopyloo100

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2 Responses to “If I am Missing or Dead by Janine Latus”

  1. Kathleen Says:

    It saddened me reading this book that intelligent people could find themselves in these emotionally tormenting troubles. It also makes me question if putting two incompatible people together with drastically differing personalities could actually spark domestic abuse but actually, if people met their soul mate who had clear boundaries would violence or abuse ever erupt?

    I consider myself intelligent, yet I was in an abusive relationship with my first husband. After lots of verbal abuse he eventually got physical. Once. So I ended it. With two boys in diapers, no less. Just because I got out early, doesn’t make other women who stay less intelligent.

    Kathleen M.

  2. loopyloo100 Says:

    I’m sorry to hear you had to suffer that Kathleen and I certainly agree that women who stay in abusive relationships are not less intelligent. Emotions and feelings do not relate to their intelligence and I would think anyone could find themselves in a difficult situation. I don’t think many men and women realise, themselves, that they are capable of violence against a partner until a certain set of circumstances presents themselves, but hopefully the first time this happens to someone they would get the help needed to stop it becoming an ingrained reaction. I would hope your previous partner was able to see the error of his ways when you stood up and walked out.


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